I know what people mean. They’re not asking which city within the U.K. I was born in; they want to know where my brown skin comes from.
I get it, people are curious, they want to know how I came to be in this country. It’s a question most, if not all, children of immigrants will be asked time and time again. But despite being born and raised in a Western country, and responding with “I was born in the UK”, it’s simply not enough. More often than not, people want more, and that’s why they follow up with, “But where are you really from?” They may think they’re coming across as inquisitive, but I see it as rude. Simply put, this question is alienating, it implies that I don’t belong here. If we did, why would people from the Western world continue to refer to us as immigrants? (Whereas people from the Western world are referred to as “expats” – just saying!)
I am a second-generation immigrant living in the U.K. and, like many others, I find myself living with two identities. The constant struggle between being labelled as ‘too Asian’ or ‘too British’ has led to many of us questioning our true identity, as both camps culturally contradict one another.
However, being a part of two worlds also comes with its benefits too. I am incredibly grateful to be bilingual and have the opportunity to experience the diverse and rich culture when visiting my heritage and family in Punjab. I’m also in a fortunate position to have been born as a British citizen, where I am encouraged to challenge and change certain things within the community in ways I would not have been able to if I was not British. But this most certainly wasn’t the case for those who arrived in the generations before me.
I have complete admiration and appreciation for those people; what they did was truly remarkable. Leaving all things familiar and arriving in a foreign country couldn’t have been easy, especially when they weren’t made to feel welcome (oh yeah, the racism and hate was real!). Having to fight for their rights to be treated with half the amount of respect and fairness came with its challenges and trauma.
EXPEREINCES & CHALLENGES
Living experiences for those arriving into the country were not made easy (and still aren’t), as many in the Western world still have a strong disregard for someone’s individual experiences and ethnic backgrounds. To them, it doesn’t matter where we’re from, because we’re all the same. But it does matter, because all brown people’s histories and experiences are different.
I often wonder what a lonely and difficult experience it would have been (and continues to be) for those arriving in a new country. Everything from language barriers, raising children and helping them succeed in school, securing work and housing, and accessing services. Then, on top of this, the strong need and desire to maintain their own culture vigorously, as well as looking to gain a sense of belonging in a foreign country.
Even today, the challenge still exists for so many. Rightly or wrongly, many within the South Asian immigrant community work hard to remain connected to their heritage ‘back home’. And one way to do this is by ensuring culture and traditions are strongly preserved here in the Western world, because the consequence of not doing so could mean a betrayal to their roots and disapproval from the community.
The constant struggle between upholding traditional and conservative values and beliefs, whilst living in a more liberal and open-minded society, has become a difficult balance for many. For example, what is seen to be ‘normal’ for the Western society could also be seen as unacceptable for the South Asian community, such as openly dating, drinking, going out, independence, etc.
South Asian women in particular, are facing these struggles daily. Everything between parental and community expectations, cultural traditions, and then their own desires. To add to this complexity, these women are also conditioned to know they are responsible for their family’s honour and, as a result, must behave in very modest and respectful ways. More often than not, they are expected to become an obedient daughter-in-law and wife.
Those of us born in the Western part of the world continue to navigate through the difficult balance of both cultural differences and demands. On one hand, we witness those born into Western families provided with the freedom to make their own decisions. Those children/adults are encouraged and supported fully to prioritise their own personal needs and desires ahead of anything else.
And then, on the other hand, children of immigrants are born into a more controlled system, where children (and adults) are obliged to consult with family and, in some instances the wider family, before making a decision. Any ‘wrong’ decision made could pose a direct threat to the honour of the family, which leads to the famous South Asian saying, “what will people say?”
These cultural dilemmas are complex. Children of immigrants will continue to live with conflicting world-views and opinions on culture, religion, beliefs, practices, and values. How each one of us chooses to approach and resolve the identity crisis will be different.
For me personally, I feel proud of the identity I choose to hold today, one which consists of heritage, independence, and individuality.